texasfight.org :: david

My friends Siam and Meow went off to Bangkok to get married. A group of us decided to go to the ceremony and get a chance to see a part of the world we’d never been before. So, we bought the plane tickets and set off on our grand adventure!

LADYBOYS AND GRASSHOPPERS

Today is going to be fun. It’s time for a road trip! A big group of us are headed to Pattaya. It’s a city on the coast about and hour and a half from Bangkok. It’s a city that has a kind of bad reputation — you’ve heard of seedy things happening in Thailand? This is where it happens. Nevertheless, we will be joined on our trip with Siam’s mom and one of her friends. We pile into a van and head out to the highway.

Halfway to Pattaya, it’s lunch time. We stop at a rest stop on the side of the road — guess what’s for lunch? Khao Mun Gai! The stuff I loved so much from breakfast yesterday. We all order it, and I decide to splurge and have Coke from the bottle. It tastes good — like everywhere else except the US, it’s made with real sugar. There are eight of us on the trip. The meal costs a grand total of $12. Unbelievable.

We head back on the road, and before you know it, we’re in Pattaya. It’s a resort town for sure, and they are building gigantic condos everywhere. We’re headed to one such place now — one of the friends of Siam’s family owns a condo here and is gracious enough to let us visit for a while. But first, we stop by a fruit market — these places are everywhere, and everyone loves to eat fruit here.

We get lots of fruit, and this ain’t stuff you find in HEB. I don’t know half of the names of the fruit, but they are all tasty. I should also mention there’s a special fruit here in Thailand called durian. This looks a little like pineapple, but that’s where the similarities end. Once you open up durian, you start to smell it. It smells like garbage. Not only that, you can smell it from far away. We don’t get any durian this time, but in Phuket I got to taste some. It doesn’t taste bad, really. In fact, it’s pretty good. If you hold your nose, that is.

Condos in Pattaya

Once we’re loaded with fruit, we head to the condo. It’s really nice. It’s also very Western — you could just as easily be in California once you set foot in it. We greet the family who owns the condo (we met them originally at the wedding) and head out to the beach, which is just feet from the door. We wander around for a bit, hang out by the pool, and chow down on fruit. It’s nice.

After a while, it’s time to move on to central Pattaya. We pile back into the van, and move on. This is where all the go-go bars are. It’s also close to the show we’re going to see tonight: it’s called Alcazar. It’s a Vegas-style show, except all the performers are ladyboys. What’s a ladyboy? It’s a girl that used to be a guy. Or, a guy that’s in transition to becoming a girl. You get the idea. Ladyboys are part of the culture of Thailand, so you better just accept it. Anyway, as we’re driving in the van, we see two attractive Thai women drinking at a bar. Siam’s mom says, “Look! Mother and son!” We laugh.

Siam’s mom also thinks it will be entertaining to kick us out of the van and have us wander the streets while they speed off. So, the next thing you know, we’re headed out on foot. Everytime we pass a go-go bar, the girls all yell at us, kind of like catcalls. It’s a little crazy! One girl actually grabs my arm as we pass by. We’re starting to pick up a few key Thai phrases by now, and one useful one is, “Mai ow!”, which means “I’m not interested.” We say “mai ow” a lot on this street.

Jon’s had enough of the catcalls, and we duck into an English pub for a drink. We all order big pints of Tiger Beer, drink up, and then it’s back to the van for the show.

After a really quick meal — we’re running late for the show — we head in to Alcazar. The show begins, and the ladyboys take the stage.

The show material is pretty tame — it’s just lip-synched show tunes and dance numbers. But that’s okay, because the whole time you’re thinking, “if I met this person on the street, would I know it was a ladyboy?” A couple of them are really good looking, I have to admit. Alex seems to be taking a lot of pictures during the show.

Me and a ladyboy after the Alcazar show

After the show, you have the opportunity to take pictures with the performers in the parking lot. We all get pictures taken. It’s also an opportunity to hear their voices, and this is the real giveaway. They sound like dudes. They’re still cute, though.

After the show, it’s time to go back to Bangkok. We get back just in time to head out on the town again. We say goodbye to Siam’s mom, get dressed up, and head to RCA again. This time, Jon will be joining us, so that’s good news. We all meet at a place called Route 66. It’s very similar to the club we were at last night, but this time we get a real table. Also, this time Intt will be joining us. I heard through the grapevine (Intt -> Intt’s Mom -> Siam’s Mom -> Siam -> Me) that she liked me when we met a few days ago at Lizm. This is good news, and I’m pretty excited to see her again. The group orders a bottle of Johnnie Walker Black (again), and the music is good (again). Intt arrives and we dance and chat. Well, kinda. The music is really loud, and we can’t hear each other too well. I suggest we go outside and talk. She has another idea — she whips out her iPhone, and we chat by taking turns writing notes to each other on it.

Me, Intt, Kae, and Neff at Route 66

We’re all having lots of fun. We actually end up going through two bottles of whiskey tonight. Before you know it, the house lights are on, and it’s time to leave. I walk Intt outside and say goodbye. This is the last time I see her. But, I have her email address, and it won’t be the last time I chat with her.

It’s 2:30 AM. Time to go home, right? Wrong. We head out to a night market. This is basically a version of the JJ Market, except it’s only open at night. It’s packed. People are selling all sorts of stuff. We wander around and find a place to eat. It’s also apparently time to drink more, as Kae finds a place that sells whiskey shots. So, we’re doing alright.

Tasty grasshopper

We wander around some more, and run into a stall selling fried insects. You heard me. They have all sorts of insects for your enjoyment. It’s almost 4AM at this point, we’re drunk, and in Bangkok. The group determines that there is no better time to eat an insect or two. So, we order up grasshoppers, and Neff orders up a scorpion. That’s right, a scorpion. We eat them. It’s…. not bad, actually. The grasshopper is crispy, and it’s been liberally coated with seasoning by the proprietor. Jon actually ends up eating three of them.

We can’t believe we just did that. It’s time to go home now.